You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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