I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
