just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
