Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
