You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
