I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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