He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
