So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
