Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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