My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
