I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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