he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
