you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
