I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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