So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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