Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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