i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
