i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
