Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
