How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
