he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
