yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
