I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
