The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
