i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
should my penis look like a turkey
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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