haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
