i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she told me i tasted like america
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
