I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
