She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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