he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
