the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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