Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
