Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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