just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
