i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
