WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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