Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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