My brain says no but my pants say off.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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