Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
