your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
