so that wasnt chicken after all
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
