hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
