If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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