I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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