I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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