Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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