I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I still have a little drunk in my system
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
