I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
