See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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