Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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