Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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