Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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