Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
