I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
