wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
