I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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